


But parties are only fun when you are there

by rosasdeesperanca



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Erik is not a Happy Bunny, Jealous Charles Xavier, M/M, They are both chaotic, brief mention of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 07:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19372360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosasdeesperanca/pseuds/rosasdeesperanca
Summary: Charles goes to yet, another party organized by the one and only Emma Frost. Something made him realise he might have been wrong about the height of his feelings for his best friend, Erik.





	But parties are only fun when you are there

Charles was bored at one of Emma’s luxurious, shiny parties. There were countless and Charles wasn’t really into them. In fact, he only came because Erik was his best friend and Erik was Emma’s friend. Emma was not really fond of Charles, he had a tendency to like everyone or at least try but it was hard to like someone that was always cold to you. And wasn’t afraid to show it. To her defense, Emma was cold to everyone. Even to Erik sometimes, the only difference was that Erik worked with cold and distant. They got each other, as much as Charles wanted to get Erik like that, he didn’t. He didn’t do well with silence. He wasn’t the playboy he was considered to be but he was chatty and upbeat. He always needed to talk and move, do something. Erik understood that, learned why even. But the things he shared with Emma, he couldn’t share with Charles and sometimes he felt at loss. Like he could never perfectly get Erik. Funny for a telepath. The German seemed to only like those, having his closest friends being psychics. He only hanged with mutants, that was some kind of a tacit rule of his. 

Right now, he was talking to Raven and a friend of hers. Irene didn’t come tonight, bless her soul, Charles thought. So, his sister came with a college friend. She was small, had chestnut hair and wore it into a ponytail that made her look even younger than she probably was. When his sister spotted him, she made a sign for him to come. Charles walked to them and was surprised to see Erik getting along so well with a stranger. They were laughing at something. It took a minute for Erik to notice him.   
“Oh Charles! You didn’t know Kitty yet, didn’t you?” He said excitedly 

Kitty? Erik already called Raven’s friend by her name like they were best friends. Surprising.  
“No, never had the pleasure. It’s nice to meet you.” He said, trying to look joyful as he shook Kitty’s hand. 

“See, Charles. I just learned Erik and Kitty already knew each other. They go to the same synagogue, same Torah study. Their families even spent Shabbat together a few times can you believe it! That’s just amazing, they were friends all along and none of us knew.” Raven said like it was the best news she had ever heard.

Erik and Kitty were both smiling broadly, talking about anecdotes, about how fantastic the Rabbi was or how great of a cook Erik’s mother was. 

Charles wanted to be happy for them, really he did. He knew it was lonely to be a Jew sometimes. That Erik’s identity was so important to him. He was supposed to be happy for them, bloody hell! But truth is, he wasn’t, not really. He felt like he was getting stabbed in the stomach repeatedly when he looked at them, staring at each other with smiles. As they laughed, as Kitty looked up at Erik like he put the stars in the sky. Charles just felt...off. Off and outside. And it wasn’t a lie when he excused himself, saying he didn’t feel well. Raven was going to be concerned, like she always was. But Charles couldn’t stay there. He had to breathe. He walked as fast as he could to the rooftop. No one was there, probably because it was freezing. Charles didn’t care, he only wanted to breathe again. The cold was like a violent slap in the face, that was exactly what he needed. He was so stupid, so bloody stupid. What? He couldn’t handle his best friend having a good time without him being the center of attention, he was that selfish? He wasn’t usually like that, he always wanted for Erik to feel good, confide a bit more in others, have a great time, be happy. And now that he did, that he shared something he couldn’t share with his friends. He felt jealous? What the hell was that? 

And then, it hit him more than the cold ever could. He was jealous because she looked interested in Erik. Hell, even he looked a bit interested. More than Charles had ever seen him anyway. He wasn’t jealous because the attention wasn’t on him. He was jealous because he properly loved Erik. Not only as his best friend. He was utterly fucked. He wanted to disappear into thin air. How was he supposed to deal with this? Charles wasn’t good at dealing with his feelings, he was going to mess this up. 

He heard slamming doors and saw Erik looking both concerned and annoyed “Charles! What are you doing here?? You’re going to catch a cold!” 

Charles laughed nervously both at the ridiculous situation and his own stupidity “I’m okay! I just needed to breathe, you see I’m fine. I’m great, never felt better.” He said as he was rising his arms in the air. 

“Yeah, you’re fine. You’re amazing, everything is perfect. I know the fucking song, Charles. Do you think I’m that stupid? That I can’t see when something’s wrong. And besides, you are trembling.”

It’s not true, Charles thought as he felt himself shake from head to toe. He was suddenly angry, at himself, at everyone, at the world.   
“Can’t you just leave me alone? I just need to be alone and breathe and everything is going to be fine.” He tried to sound firm but his voice was pained, broken. Charles’ anger died down and left only space for sadness. A crushing sadness that made a tear fall before he could notice. But Erik noticed and soon enough, he was holding Charles in his warmth, in his soothing smell. For a moment it felt right, before Charles could remember why it would never feel perfectly right again. 

“Charles, just tell me. Please tell me what’s wrong so that I can help you. That’s all I want.” Erik said in a soft but hurried voice like he couldn’t handle what he was feeling. 

And Charles, Charles was properly crying now. Erik instantly held him tighter. He felt guilty, he was ruining what had been a good evening for his friend. He kept on repeating “I’m sorry.” frantically as Erik rubbed his back in soothing motion, telling him that he was okay, that he didn’t need to apologize. He let Charles cry and held him through it. When the tears were almost gone, Erik offered his coat. Charles refused and Erik insisted, Erik won. And he was grateful that he did since he was really freezing. He was getting a bit warmer, Erik still looked at him like he could transform into a pile of dust any minute. 

“What’s wrong, Charles? Is it your stepfather again? Let the overworked and overwhelmed law student that i am, help you. Don’t let this arschgeige get the best of you.” Erik’s voice was calm but determined. 

“I love to hear you insult my stepfather in German but I’m not upset about that...honestly it’s not important. I’ll just go home, go have fun you deserve it.”

“I’m certainly not having fun while you’re going to be sad on your own.” 

“I’m okay, don’t wo-“

“I said” Erik cut him “I’m not staying. If you leave, I leave too. And perhaps you could talk to me by then.” Erik’s voice left no place for arguing. He really was going to become an incredible lawyer, Charles thought. 

He already felt anxious. He didn’t know how to do that, he never had to admit his feelings to anyone in his life. Mostly not less than an hour after he realised that he had said feelings. 

“I-I...” he started, feeling at loss for words. He looked at his trembling hands, staring down at them. It felt like he had looked at them since forever before Erik held them in his. Charles didn’t dare to look up and meet his eyes. Fearing all of these feelings would be clear as day in his eyes. Remaining in unshed tears, laying under his eyelashes. But Erik was patient and he didn’t say a word, didn’t move for the longest time. He just held his hands and waited. When Charles looked up, he found Erik looking at him with so much sincerity in his eyes. It was heart wrenching. And for a moment, it was like all the fear left his body and was replaced with something that wasn’t exactly courage but need. The need to do something, to be as sincere as his friend had been. He got closer as their hands were still tied. And got on his tiptoes. 

Erik looked quizzically at him “Charles?”  
“Please...please.” Charles whispered before he finally dared to kiss Erik. His lips were cold and it wasn’t something he ever prepared for but it felt good. It felt like heaven. Unreal and good. Really really good. It felt even better when Erik kissed back harder. And Charles couldn’t help but moan and wonder what was happening. Erik let go of his hands and cradled him in his arms. Charles felt safer than he ever did. He didn’t even feel cold anymore but he was worried that Erik might be. So he gently let go of the kiss. 

Erik blinked a few times before he could form words. Words that didn’t make much sense. Charles couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t really able to talk either. 

“We should leave.” Erik finally said, winning against his foggy brain. 

Charles only nodded. They went back to the apartment. Erik dismissed everyone, holding Charles’ hand. Raven gave Charles a look, he shrugged. He didn’t know much himself. He kissed Erik, Erik kissed him back. And now they were leaving. That was all he knew. When they arrived to Erik’s car. Charles was frantic. He had no idea what to do, he didn’t know what to say. But still, he got in. Erik didn’t talk before he’d left the parking lot. And when he did, it was nothing that Charles expected. 

“Why did you do that?” His voice was almost angry. Like he was trying to contain everything he was feeling but failing.

Charles could only focus on the way he was driving and his mind kept screaming dangerous. “Erik, can you drive slower?”

Charles could almost feel Erik remembering that his dad died in a car crash and feeling guilty “Sorry.” Sincerity in his voice as he drove more safely “But why did you do that?”

Charles didn’t really know, he knew about his feelings now. But why he had kissed Erik, there were no logical response to this. It was pure need. So he chose to be honest “Because I needed to.”

Erik laughed sardonically which startled Charles.   
“Because you needed to? Did you ever wonder about what I needed or wanted?”

Charles was confused, yes he didn’t ask and he should have but Erik didn’t reject him, he kissed him back and fiercely. He never forced him to do anything “You didn’t go against it, you kissed me back. How was I supposed to know you would be angry at me afterwards? I wasn’t thinking.”

“No shit. I’ve been in love with you for three years, of course I kissed you back. And if you had been thinking at the time, we wouldn’t be here right now. Or we would but it would’ve been normal. But now, it’s not and I have to live with this. And I thought this was a girl thing to kiss their best friend at a stupid party without it meaning anything. But you know what? It means something to me and now it’s going to be different.”

Charles was properly confused. Erik was in love with him? For three years. Since the beginning then. And Charles had been clueless. But what was even more confusing to him was that Erik thought it was some kind of game to him, that he didn’t mean anything by it. He was sad thinking he didn’t take him seriously, that his feelings couldn’t be sincere. He wasn’t angry, his voice was calm when he said “Why do you think it meant nothing to me?”

“Because...because that’s how it is. You smile at me, or you tell me you care about me, or you touch me. And it never means that. It never means that you feel the same way. Why would that kiss be any different?” Erik’s eyes were focused on the road but his voice was full of everything he was feeling. 

“Because it is different. Because now I know.” Charles’ voice was soft. 

Erik turned to him “What do you know?”

“That I love you. I didn’t know it was a too until you said so. I would’ve never made you miserable voluntarily.”

Erik was silent for a while, his gaze focused again on the road. He didn’t speak a word until he was in front of Charles’ flat “You’re home.” 

“You don’t want to talk about this?” There was no response “There’s one thing I know, you’re not going to drive back to your mother’s place like this. I saw you drive tonight and if you do come back home in the end, your mother will know how upset you are and worry. You don’t want that, neither do I. So you’re going to sleep at mine tonight, you’ll send a text to her. And like this none of us will worry.”

Erik let go of the wheel and looked at Charles “You’re not going to let me leave, aren’t you?”

Charles smiled to himself as he opened the passenger’s door “You know I won’t.”

Erik followed him, his hands in his pockets as Charles opened the front door and went up the stairs. The apartment was calm since there was no one but them for once. Charles took a deep breath, at least Erik was safe. He wasn’t sure that any discussion would work, it was frustrating but the thought that he wouldn’t be out there risking his life was enough. “Do you want some tea?” He asked quietly.

“Just a glass of water, thank you.” He answered as he sat down on the couch. 

Charles nodded and went to the kitchen. He tried to calm himself as the water was boiling and focus on choosing a flavour. Earl grey of blueberry? That was something he could focus on. This evening had been rather unusual. And Charles went from freezing to the best kiss of his life to freezing again. Charles’ life was a constant happening of weird events. But this had to make the top of the list. Charles took a deep breath, his cup of tea in one hand and a glass of water in the other (and all of his courage). When Charles came back Erik looked calmer. He handed the glass to him and sat next to him on the couch. They both drank without a word, Charles was trying to find something to say, anything. 

But to his surprise, Erik spoke first.   
“I’m sorry, I acted like a jerk. I shouldn’t have driven like that or raised my voice at you.”

Charles tried to smile but he found himself tired, spent “It’s fine. I never intended to hurt you, Erik. I didn’t know, I didn’t even know I felt that way about you until tonight.”

“I know, you don’t have to explain yourself. I do, I’ve reacted terribly. I always wanted for you to feel the same way, I’ve wanted it so much that I forgot that it could be real. That when you kissed me, I had to think it was only a sudden You meant it when you said you loved me?” Erik’s voice was filled with doubt. 

“Of course, I meant it. I think I always did somehow, I just didn’t know I loved you like that.” 

Erik nodded “I’m still sorry, I don’t know why I treated you like that.”

“I think I do.” Charles said instantly. Which made Erik look up in confusion. 

“I’ve lost my mind when I realised I was feeling this way towards you, you have been living with it for years. I get why you reacted like that.” 

“At least one of us knows. I guess...I know that I can be a complete asshole. I know I’m not always great with people. But I never talked to you like you didn’t have any feeling or you owed me shit. And that’s how I acted with you tonight.”

Charles took Erik’s hand “It’s okay, it did hurt me and it did scare me. But I know you, Erik. I know you wouldn’t voluntarily hurt me. You apologised, you are here. That’s all I ever want from you.” 

“I want a whole lot of other things from you.” Erik said with a cocky smile. 

Charles laughed “Oh! this conversation is changing very fast, I might like that. I prefer to see you smiling.” 

“I might smile a lot more from now on.”

Charles responded to that with a soft kiss, their second he thought. Not their last, not the testament of something ending but something that was only beginning. Erik was cupping his face and Charles only wanted this moment to last and last. Repeat itself again and again, this was where he wanted to be. 

When Erik let go he said “Does that mean you want us to date?”

“Of course, I want to date you, you imbecile.” Charles said like it was the simplest thing in the word. 

Erik laughed care-freely “Okay then. You’re tired?”

“Very.” Charles answered honestly. 

“Then get some sleep, I will still be there tomorrow.” Erik said before he kissed his forehead. 

“Actually, I was hoping...that we could share my bed. It’s too big for me and well, we’re together now, right? That’s what couples do. I want to be next to you.” 

That made Erik smile. Probably the most genuine, sincerely beautiful smile Charles had ever seen, not just on Erik but on anyone. Charles didn’t remember a time where he felt so peaceful and in sync with everything else. 

“I’d like that very much. Is it okay if I only wear my boxers or do you want me to keep my shirt on?”

That touched Charles. That he did respect possible lines. That he asked for what he wanted “Whatever you feel most comfortable with.” 

He walked to his room with Erik, finding a book on his bed but outside of it the room was neater than it usually was. Erik took off his clothes while Charles took off his behind his closet to change into his pajamas. He wasn’t that scared for Erik to see him with only his underwear on but for him to see his scars. Erik knew he had some. But he wasn’t quite ready for him to properly see them and to deal with his anger and sadness when he would see and instantly know who puts them there. His pajamas had snoopy on it. That was a gift from Raven. They used to watch snoopy together. Actually, they still did occasionally. 

When Erik saw him, he smiled brightly.   
“Sexy.” He said cheekily. 

 

“That’s exactly what I thought about you.” Charles answered and good God, Erik was out there looking like this? Charles knew he was gorgeous but he didn’t know he had these abs or that his waist would look even more unreal without clothes. He was properly beautiful. 

“Are you going to check me out all night? Do you want me to pose for you?” 

“I might.” Charles said as he got closer to him “You are wonderful.” 

“So are you.” Erik said as he got closer too and caressed Charles’ face “Do you have a side?”

“Hm usually right.” 

Erik laid on the left side and Charles joined him shortly after. He hesitated on how they should do this, he decided to listen to what he wanted. So he laid on Erik’s chest. He instantly heard his heart beating a little faster, he was strong but it wasn’t uncomfortable “You don’t mind?” He asked in quiet voice to be sure. 

“Far from that. That’s all I ever wanted.” Erik said in a whisper, his fingers threading into Charles’ hair. He hummed, that felt good. Natural, simple. Everything that Charles never thought he would have. 

“Sleep well, Erik.”

Charles didn’t have to see him to know he was smiling, Erik kissed his forehead and said “Goodnight, I love you.” 

Charles felt lighter than he ever did in his entire life. The only thing heavy on him was sleep “I love you.” was whispered minutes before he fell asleep.


End file.
